Emo Phillips Quote of the Day

In a conversation with a suicidal man threatening to jump off a bridge:

I said, 'Are you a Christian or a Jew?' He said, 'A Christian.'
I said, 'Me too. Protestant or Catholic?' He said, 'Protestant.'
I said, 'Me too. What franchise?' He says, 'Baptist.'
I said, 'Me too. Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Baptist.'
I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Conservative Baptist.'
I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reformed Baptist?' He says, 'Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist.'
I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Eastern Region?' He says, 'Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region.'
I said, 'Me too. Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1879 or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1912?' He says, Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1912.'
I said, 'Die, heretic!' and I pushed him over.