Miscellaneous Post-Christmas Thoughts

• Dommiss received an electric scooter (top speed: 8 mph). I don't know what Santa was thinking. When I saw him riding it indoors, I hit the roof, and yelled at him for scratching our nice hardwood floors. But then he completely cracked me up by calmly patting my shoulder and saying "Dad, this is all just a big misunderstanding..."


• The little kids gave out their own Christmas presents this year (since finding out about Santa's reckless non-existence, they felt that they had to take up some of the slack). They all purchased their presents at the local dollar store (no present cost more than $1). My favorite was Bridget's present for me: a very handsome Day Planner, dated 1998.


• I noticed that a number of Christmas movies ("The Santa Clause" and "Elf" come immediately to mind) indulge the theme that Santa Claus exists, but that only children believe in him. Now, I have no problem with suspension of disbelief---if a movie wants to posit that there really is a Santa Claus, that's fine with me. But, assuming that he exists, how in the world is it possible that parents wouldn't know? I mean, on Christmas morning the Dad comes downstairs and there is a ridiculous present such as an electric scooter. For damn sure, Dad didn't buy it! Isn't the existence of Santa the only logical conclusion?


• My brother Kyle suggested this resolution to the paradox: In the world of the movies, Santa exists, and leaves presents for kids on Christmas morning. However, he implants into the minds of parents fake memories of trudging miserably down the aisles of Walmart and staying up until 3 wrapping presents.


• The tradition in my family holds that the Christmas season is not over until the last Christmas card arrives. If you haven't received one from me, then it's still Christmastime (to be precise, Christmas 1999 hasn't ended yet...)